Whenever an action is done without thinking—and particularly without heart—it can be said to be done "mechanically." This descriptive term calls to my mind a dazed expression on the face of the character in such a state. Such as when news was just passed about the death of a loved one, and the character begins to make coffee—mechanically.
Many people today simply "go through the motions" in their marriages, and in their relationships with their children. It is as if the greater portion of society is painfully aware of some weighty death, which is sapping the heart out of our relationships. Wherever connections are made, they are for the purpose of venting complaints, delegating duties, or giving correction for bad behavior.
People don't care what you've done, they care who you are.
Relationships are not about achieving certain goals, but the happiness of life regardless of achievement. While an execution-focus is a great asset in the world of work, it can prove fatal to a marriage. Similarly, a creator who is greatly composition-focused at work, can become distracted by this "second love," which can also prove fatal to personal relationships.
While a performer at the top of his game has difficulty "leaving the office," a creator in the depths of discovery has difficulty getting the "office" to leave him. Either way, this struggle produces a mental and emotional stress equal to that produced by a dying family member. The culture of material success places so much value on productivity at work, that a failure to move forward might well be the death of one's dreams.
Human relationships—engaged, connected, understanding—are meant to be a part of this success process. Though love be irrational, its call to relax one's pace is in the interest of regaining one's spirit and recharging one's "batteries."
Performers who seek to bulldoze forward in constant progress in every area of life, must necessarily find themselves thwarted when the relationships of these areas become taxed. Creators who desire to capture the delicate mantle of an great idea, must necessarily become frustrated with the lack of perspective afforded by outside relationships.
It is said that opposites attract, and in all ways (save necessary common interests), and in all happy couples (save few exceptions), this is profoundly true. The reason is because we want what we don't have, so we desire in a mate those things we know we lack. In this way, a loving couple (love as verb) can mesh their strengths, masking their weaknesses.
It is therefore plausible to consider that a performer might seek to marry a creator, or that the individuals' balances of focus might not be harmonious—hence the frustration and tendency to become mentally and emotionally absent.
Performers need to realize that their relationships are not a game to be won, but a jungle to be explored—full of mysteries. Creators need to realize the value of mystery in relationships, and to know when to reveal secrets (even unfinished ideas) to the people who want to share their hearts.
When composition- and execution-focuses are understood, and achievement and relationships meshed, then a third area of life can be used wisely to benefit the previous two: recreation.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Part 1 | Part 2